Notes to Self

Wow.  My first "relationship" if you can call it that with a woman (I don't even know if I'd call her that because quite frankly, I now realize she acted very much like a teenage girl with several issues she's too afraid to admit to), did not end well.  I can not believe I allowed myself to be manipulated like that.  Our relationship was never solid to begin with and my aunt was right about one thing- there were several red flags I chose to ignore because I was too wrapped up in having my first girlfriend and too nice to call them on not wanting to grow up and better themselves until after they ended it.  If you don't want to grow up and change and admit you might just need professional help because your previous relationships haven't worked out either, than I guess your not worth my pity, which is what I really felt towards this person. 

Red flag number one:  Making it a requirement of the relationship to have it posted on Facebook.  Now, don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with posting your relationship status on Facebook, but to make it a requirement of your partner is just wrong.  Relationships are about respecting your partners wishes, and don't make up some excuse about "oh, I don't want to have to hide it."  That's fine then don't, but if your partner doesn't want it on Facebook respect their wishes.  It's the right thing to do.

Red flag number two:  Lives at home with parents/parent, doesn't have a job and doesn't really see that if your over 18, you are a guest in your parents home.  Now, if this is just a transition between jobs or between places that's fine.  So long as you give the owners of the home common courtesy of following their rules (it is their home after all) and asking if it's OK if people come over before you talk to the people you want to bring over.  It doesn't matter if your parent/parents will be OK with it,  the polite thing to do is ask and get premission beforehand.

Red flag number three:  You really don't have much in common with them and there's lots of miscommunication right off the bat.  Sure, we were both writers and misfits in high school, but that was where our commonalities ended.  Also, they started asking me questions about my possible future relationships, after the relationship had ended, which at this point, is none of their business.

All this being said, this still doesn't change my attraction toward woman and I've learned a lot about what I want out of a partner and what I don't want and I do know, that I need to be single for awhile to sort all of this sh*t out and purge myself of this negative influence. 

I really don't need an immature girl too afraid to admit they might just be the reason their previous relationships haven't worked out, who just turns around and calls me judgemental when I decide I don't even want to even be friends with them. 

Besides, it was them who thought we'd be better friends in the first place.  Yes, I did agree at the time because I hadn't begun to fully process what was going on and how I really felt towards them.  But, just because I've figured out I don't need their negative influence in my life anymore and that they really aren't worth my pity, doesn't give them the right to say "you'll never get a girlfriend if you treat people this way", "you're stuck up and judgemental,", etc.  Seriously?  What kind of naive fantasy are you living in?  Certainly not one I want to be a part of.  All just because multiple people most likely called on some issues you have.   If that's not a sign of someone whose got issues, I don't know what is and someone who wants to change and is mature, will take a look at themselves and say "you know what, maybe they're right, lets see what an objective third party has to say."

Sorry for the long rant.  I just really need to get this out of my system.

Sayonara

Leptin Reset: Update

Hi all,

I decided to stop the Leptin Reset RX via Dr. Jack Kruse because I just can't eat 50g of protein in one sitting.  I can eat about 30g before I start getting reflux. Also, I've realized I just can't do 50g of carbs or less for very long anymore.  After about a week or two I wasn't feeling very good and didn't really have as much energy as I thought I should have.  It helped me get out of a weight loss plateau and get my carbs back under 100g a day, but it isn't very good for me long term.  I just need some more healthy carbs.

I also started reading his Facebook posts and didn't really agree with some of them.  And, if you think it's ok to drop your pants in a department store just to show your weight loss, than sorry but I'm going to start questioning what you say.  So, yeah, Dr. Jack Kruse is out.  Even unfriended him on Facebook.

I'm going back to just plan ol' Primal Blueprint like before.

Sayonara!

Leptin Reset Program: Heading into week 3

Long time no write, but this post's not about writing as you might have been able to tell by it's title.  A while back, I noticed I wasn't sleeping as well as I should be and I knew I shouldn't be craving prime rib at 9 pm!  Something was not right.  Now, it might have been I wasn't getting enough iron, but more importantly, my carbs where possibly going over 100 grams a day.

I had heard about Jack Kruse's Leptin reset prescription through the Mark's Daily Apple forums, but had never really looked at it until recently.  Kruse's blog can be found here:  http://jackkruse.com/my-leptin-prescription/  I won't go into the details since I provided the link, but there are three basic rules:

1. Strict Paleo/Primal diet as described by Rob Wolf or Mark Sisson

2. 3 meals a day, no snacking, ever.

3. Only 50 grams of Cabohyrdates a day

I'd hit a funk and had starting gaining weight again.  That meant my metabolism was going south again.  I'm trying Kruse's Leptin reset, to help keep my metabolism from doing that and it's working.  The weight is coming off effortlessly again.

Sayonara

Conflicted Characters

While reading the first volume of Nura: The Rise of the Yokai Clan, I noticed I'm drawn to characters with conflicted natures.  The main character Nura, Rikuo is three quarters human, one quarter yokai or demon and the story is about how is comes to terms with his demon blood, using it to help humans instead of torment them.  I haven't read much of the story so far, so I don't know much other than this.

Another example of a character at odds within himself, is Lian Hearn's Otori, Takeo. In the beginning of the series Takeo is called Tomasu, raised among a secret sect of religious believers called The Hidden.  As a member of the Hidden, Tomasu is taught, never to take a life, whether that of one's own or someone else.  At the age of twelve, Tomasu's village is burned and he is rescued by Otori, Shigeru, the heir of a predominant samurai clan.  We later discover that Takeo, as Shigeru had renamed him, is not only Shigeru's adopted son, but his nephew.   On top of this, Takeo's father, Imasu, was a member of the Tribe, a secret society of people with special abilities-what ninjas were thought to be.  So Takeo has three different natures waring inside him and I love the way Hearn writes this.

However, as much as I love Takeo, there are characters I wish she'd explored more and I do wish Hearn had stuck with first person throughout the series.  It would have been awesome to really get inside Maruyama Naomi  or even Otori, Shigeko's head because than I could have had lots of examples how to write powerful women in Japanese culture.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Tales of the Otori series, otherwise I would not still be reading, but there are places where I feel Hearn could have expanded and developed several female characters more.  I would have liked to see how Lady Maruyama ran the west back in her day.  We only get glimpses.

The reason I'm saying this is because I'm looking for someone to base my own Hogoshiro Chronicles characters on.  I can't help but feel somewhat disappointed when Hearn switches from first person narrative for Takeo, and third person for everyone else.

Yes, I have got a better grasp on traditional Japanese culture in a fantasy setting by reading this series and the idea of women as rulers is a very interesting addition, but I think I was expecting Hearn to elaborate more on the idea and from a first person point of view of the women involved.

I really am at the point in my writting proces where I need to get a better grasp on who my character are, what their individual quirks are, and on the story itself. 

I know that I want Hibiki to be conflicted, torn between her Oshiro and Shikibu natures and that her journey in the story is to figure out how to resolve that conflict, as several members of the two clans do not get along very well.  Have to keep the bloodlines pure now don't we;) ?  Hibiki is more of a scientist, like her father, Akihito Shikibu, but also has the legacy of the Oshiro kaikimushi with which she was born and her mother, Misaki's bull-headedness, plus her father's impatience.  After her mother commits ritual suicide, the telepathy she inherited from her father activates.  Hibiki will be the Takeo of my story.

I know that Rin, the main kitsune in my story, has a weird fasination (for a kitsune that is) with human technology and that she has more of a girly-girly personality to Hibiki tomboyish one.  Rin is more playful than Hibiki.  She is a fox shapeshifter afterall.  She will be Hibiki's conpanion and one of her lovers in the story.  And yes, Rin will get at least one more tail before the story is finished as she helps rescue her brother (yet to be named) from the clutches of the evil Dr. Takahashi and avoids getting sold as a slave on the black market.

Kakashi Shikibu, one of my human to creature telepaths is Hibiki's mentor and uncle.  He helps take care of and study all the creatures and humans in the Mt. Kumotori hogoshiro.  He is the main scientist at the Mt. Kumotori hogoshiro.  I liken Kakashi to Shigeru in personality.  He is very calm and knowledgable.  I haven't quite figured out quite what some of his quirks are yet, but I'm sure as time goes by and dwell on it more, they will come.

Shikibu, Akihito is Hibiki's father and Kakashi's older brother will be the most Western influenced of all my characters.  At first we will only get to "meet" him through Kakashi's flashbacks and Hibiki's reading of his journal.  He won't physically enter the picture until after Hibiki's telepathy awakens.  Of course, everyone except Rin, Misaki and the Oshiro elders think he is dead.  He has entrusted Rin to keep his fake death a secret from both Kakashi and Hibiki until the time is right (Misaki's suicide).  He is a bit of an "open canon" if you will.  More carefree but high strung than his younger brother; he has had some anger management issues in the past and can be impatient at times.  However, he is capable of being serious when he needs to be.

My fifth core character will be Nakamora, Hideo.  He is a healer with eyes that can detect "chi" or living energy.  This is his clan's special ability.  Knowledgable in many healing arts, including accupuncture, he could just as easily be an assassin.  He is one of the characters I don't know as well and need to develope more.

Another character I need to get to know better is Oshiro, Miki, Hibiki's grandmother.  She's strong and set in her beliefs, yet compassionate and caring.  Firm, but loving.  I feel I don't really have a good example of her to work from yet and don't know how to write her as a result.  There's a scene that I still haven't written coming up between Miki and Hibiki in reguards to preparing for Misaki's funeral where I really have a chance to develope the relationship between grandmother and granddaughter, but I don't have a good enough grasp on Miki yet to write it.

And then, there's the supporting characters and the feel of the hogoshiro itself that needs more developement.  Your readers need to get a good idea of what life is like at Mt. Kumotori before the major characters loose that life to really empathize with them.  I believe I have a opening scene worked out that will do this better, but of course I won't really know until it's written.


Any suggestions are always welcome.
Sayonara!

Strange Dreams

I had the strangest dream, I've had in awhile last night. I was somewhere near the Dane County Coliseum  in Madison, Wisconsin and there was this disease that made almost everyone turn into humanoid pig monsters, except several people who made it to the Coliseum. That didn't last long though, as the infected people started to make their way to the Coliseum.

I met a woman there (also unaffected) and I'm sure we talked, I just don't remember what she or I said.  She gave me a ride to my childhood neighborhood in Fitchburg, Wisconsin near the house I grew up in.  The house we entered was nothing like anything I remember.  It had a dark hardwood floor and a table in what I can only assume is the living room, with a bouquet of flowers on it.  That's all I saw of the house before waking up briefly.

I then fell back into the dream only to have the lady hit me in the back of the neck, knocking me out.

I woke up (in the dream) in a lab with a man standing over me, dazed and confused. I would later come to find out this confusion had resulted in my kitsune genes activating.  I was half kitsune (yes, as in the mythical Japanese fox shape-shifters). Apparently, my subconscious thinks my real father is a male kitsune. I found this odd because in Japanese myth kitsune, when in human form, always take on the appearance of a human female who ends up seducing a human male.  Not the other way around.

The dream ended before I could figure out if I was genetically engineered or not, but it was bizarre nonetheless.  I may however, use something similar in my novel, The Hogoshiro Chronicles.

Sayonara!

Stress Management

It has begun to consciously drawn on me, how stress can affect one's diet.  It was in the back of my mind, but hasn't really come to the surface until a week ago.  I had been 3 months into eating based on Mark Sisson's The Primal Blueprint, when I started to slip.  Gluten and refined sugar started to re-enter my diet.  Granted, I was choosing options that had the least amount of carbs in them (funny isn't?), but that's really not the point.  It has been little things so far: a packet of Little Debbie doughnut gems, a raised doughnut(or two), or a cream cheese croissant a day.  Not too bad considering I'm still losing weight. 

However, I'm going to quit this annoying little habit beginning to re-develope.  As of today, I'm cutting the grains and refined sugar out (again).  I've started making my own food again and bringing enough with me in case I need a snack etc.  All foods I've made today are primal (no grains, no refined sugar).  I'm re-setting my goals reguarding my eating habits.  Grains, sayonara!  Refined sugar, sayonara too!  Out of here.  Gone.

Another thing I need to work on is make sure I eat what I buy.  There are times where I'll buy something thinking I'm going to use it and then it just sits there in my frig, roiting away.  If I would just eat the damn thing, I'd waste so much less money.  And, I'd feel so much better if I just continued to eat primal foods.

Kinda of a bit off topic form the pervious entries, but you will all just have to deal with it.

Sayonara

Across a Nightingale Floor

At writer's group this week, we were discussing possible 5th Teusday writing challanges and one person suggested writing from an object's point of view, instead of a character's (usually a human or animal).  There were other suggestions, but I think I like this one the best.  I already have an idea for it!  Having learned about nightengale floors or uguisubari from reading Lian Hearn's Across the Nightingale Floor I have been researching them to use in my own novel The Hogoshiro Chronicles. There's a character named Dr. Takahashi who I think would be paranoid enough to have an uguisubari. 

Uguisubari will usually sing when walked on.  The nails rub against a clamp causing the floor to make chirping sounds.  Kinda cool, isn't?  No one would be able to kill you, if they couldn't get across your uguisubari without making it sing, thus altering you to their pressence.  This was the main reason the Japanese invented uguisubari in the first place; to protect their royals from assassination.

Now, would it not be cool to have a piece of flash finction about someone, say Dr. Takahashi strolling across his uguisubari, but from the floor's point of view?  Maybe it's just me, but I think so.  How would the floor feel about being walked on, if it had any feelings at all?  Guilty over protecting such a cruel man who happens to sell innocent kitsune on the black market or happy to serve it's master?  If someone figured out how to creep across undetected, would uguisubari notice, even if it said nothing?  Would it be able to differentiate the people by their tread?

I hope to answer these questions whether this challange gets chosen or not at some point.  I think it would be a fun challange and a way to force myself to make the landscape come alive.

Sayonara